The Rolling Stone Cover You’ll Hate

Rolling Stone Cover 2013

Right now a lot of you are wondering why the F*** I would post something like this and I have three words for you, BECAUSE I CAN. That’s right, it’s a free country and according to my constitutional rights, I have every right to post this cover if I want to. And I have to say, the same goes for Rolling Stone Magazine. At the end of the day, yes it was in poor taste for them to make this photo their cover, BUT it took MAJOR HUEVOS for the magazine to print this cover. The best part, most people don’t even realize that by giving this cover all the attention in the world, it will just give the magazine more free press. You might say, yea but this is bad press Crystal… I hate to break it to you my loyal readers, there REALLY is NO such thing as bad press. All press is good press. Why you ask? Because it’s FREE. And anything that is FREE in this day and age, is a good thing.

What the “outraged” community has been claiming is that, RS’s cover is meant for Rock Stars. Really!?!? Have you seen some of the recent people on this cover? If being a Rock Star is a requirement, their editor is blind in one eye and can’t see out the other (EX: Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber and Taylor Lautner). And to clear up another claim, NO ONE said for ONE SECOND that RS was glamorizing this guy. It was people that saw the cover and automatically jumped to conclusions. If you read the fine print they call him a “MONSTER.” Before you get all defensive and pissed at me, I lived in Boston for 4 and a half years and when I saw those bombs go off, I cried realizing that my school was a mere two blocks away. I want this guy to get what’s coming to him and I think that making sure every person in America knowing what he looks like is just a piece of the very large punishment he deserves. He’ll never be safe here… that’s for damn sure.

This week in Entertainment

Talk about being behind in the world BUT my friends, I’ve returned with some really interesting news. I will tell you that there’s nothing in the entertainment world going on right now that will make you jump out of your seat. Maybe that was mean but anything that really makes you jump out of your seat, you would’ve read already. So here’s this week in entertainment. You’ve got to read all of these.

Robert Plant, lead singer of Led Zeppelin, has signed off on the rights to his biography written by Paul Rees. The biography is set to be release January of 2014. It is said the book will cover Plant’s personal life, his rise to fame with Led Zeppelin and his solo artist career. So it’s a year off? Is that enough time for you to make the pre-order?

Starting NOW and going until March 24th, Doubleday publishing has announced TODAY that a FREE e-book edition of Dan Brown’s “The Da Vinci Code” will be available at select online retailers. The e-book will include the prologue and the first chapter of “Inferno,” Brown’s next novel being released in May. So if you haven’t read it yet, I think now might be the time.

THIS IS THE BEST NEWS! Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman have “reportedly” reconciled and are back together. I know there are a lot of you saying, why the hell should I care however, let me say this. This Hollywood couple split last year after a 30 YEAR marriage. 30 years in Hollywood is like being the first star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Now you should agree with my joy.

Xbox Entertainment announced that voting for the Xbox Entertainment Awards is now open to the public. That’s right friends, they have opened up the ballots and you can vote for the following categories: Games, TV &Movies, and Music. Obviously there are a bunch of sub-categories but those are for you to go check out here! Have fun.

Vevo, the ever so loved channel on YouTube has decided it’s time to get away from internet only and expand into cable providers. It will begin webcasting linear, pre-programmed videos and diminishing its reliance on Youtube, according to CEO Rio Caraeff. “It’s human programmed, like the way it used to be,” Caraeff said. “It complements our on-demand business and it’s not at the expense of what we already do.” Will it last? Who knows.

HBO bought The Pussy Riot documentary titled, “Pussy Riot – A Punk Prayer,” at the Sundance Film Festival in mid January.  The documentary follows the feminist punk group when the were arrested and prosecuted after they staged a prayer protest in a Russian Cathedral. Member Yekaterina Samutsevich said she has no regrets even though other members Nadezhda Tolokonnikova and Maria Alekhina are both still imprisoned. Russia has banned footage of the performance.

Bridget Jones Returns!

After the last book and movie release, I gotta say that a part of me is really excited, the other side of me is really not excited. So the publishing company for the BJD’s books announced Tuesday that Helen Fielding’s third installment of the book will be released in November. According to an interview with BCC last year, the new book will have Bridget being more interested in counting Twitter followers than calories and cigarettes.

“My life has moved on and Bridget’s will move on, too,” Fielding said in a statement. “I hope people will have as much fun reading it, as I am writing it.”

Are you excited? Are you worried? Are you shaking with ANTICIPATION!? Let me know.

Horrible Mistakes of 2013

Wow… we’ve barely made it through 12 days of the new year and there’s already a crap ton of stupid things that have happened. I have to say, I thought that with a new year maybe we would make it through at least… um… a month or so before we start-up with the dumbest things in the world.

Everyone is now blaming every source of entertainment for the shooting in CT. Texas teachers are apparently becoming registered gun owners to use guns in schools. Wow… and here I thought people were smart. Let’s just give kids more opportunities to accidentally shoot themselves. I realize I already did a full article on this subject last week however, there have been more stupid things happening around the CT shooting then you could really count on one hand. Including a government conspiracy theory… (what is wrong with people?) So, the NRA says the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is to have a good guy with a gun. REALLY!?! What does that even mean? Earlier this week Arnold Schwarzenegger came out saying that violence and guns in movies are PURELY for entertainment purposes. THANK YOU Governor. Someone finally saying that hey, if people are that stupid, we can’t help it. We didn’t give them the gun and say, “go kill some people.”

Justin Bieber is now trying to fix his image since the “pot” picture was released onto the media. He has stated that… “Everyday growing and learning. Trying to be better. u get knocked down, u get up. I see all of u. I hear all of u. I never want to let any of u down. I love u.” Further down in his statement he says, “Time to do what I’m supposed to be doing. Performing.” Really because I thought your role was to be annoying and make 9-13 year olds cry over stupid songs with lyrics like “Baby, baby, baby oh.” That’s real classy.

A Utah school cancels “All Shook Up,” musical because Elvis music is offensive. I’m sorry, did we suddenly time travel back to the 50’s? Apparently Elvis’ song lyrics in combination with the scene suggesting cross dressing was deemed offensive. I have no IDEA what scene they are talking about considering, I’ve seen the show and NEVER once thought that WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE was talking about cross dressing. For those who have no idea, the musical is a twist on Shakespeare’s “The Twelfth Night.” Wanna hear something even better!? After trying to change the musical to something else, THEY CHANGED IT BACK. What a conundrum! A rep for the play said, “There’s a misunderstanding about the plot of the play.” YA THINK!? “By that time, the genders have been righted. The audience knows it’s not a homosexual relationship.” Um… I think this is my favorite of the Horrible Mistakes this year.

Rihanna posts a picture of a pot nugget on instagram and then she decides it’s smart to backlash at the critics and fans that get upset over it. First off, if you were a face in pop culture then maybe it wouldn’t matter but you are and you some how have a fan base that includes young kids. And then the caption makes it worse, “This nug look like a skull or am I just hallucinating…?” You actually think you’re NOT gonna get some shit for that? What’s wrong with you? A bunch of comments came up saying stuff like “Wow wat a good influence you are on young girls… not” and “I dont understand what she trying to prove through pics of drug everyday.” And what does the pop artists do? She posts another picture with the caption, “I DON’T REALLY GIVE A F-K.” Well then… HORRIBLE MISTAKE.

Texas Chainsaw in 3D… I can’t even begin to express… HORRIBLE MISTAKE! Why, why, why?

Last week Fox Entertainment Chief said a lot of “us” have our head up our asses. Oh but wait, NBC says they don’t! “That may be true of other places. I can guarantee you, we don’t have our heads up our asses,” says NBC Rep Greenblatt. “Last year I came out here and admitted we had a bad fall,” Greenblatt continued. “I’m not saying that this year … CBS is down 13 percent, ABC is down 4 percent and Fox is down 23 percent. We all know CBS still beats us among total viewers, but we’re now a clear No. 2 we were a distant fourth a year ago.” So basically, NBC is back on top they’re talking shit about other networks. “[CBS] Criminal Minds is worse than Dexter ever was.” Did you really just say that? Because I watch both shows and that statement makes NO sense. Congratulations NBC you made the HORRIBLE MISTAKES list of 2013.

Now, there are plenty of other things I could go on and on about, however, I think these were the most obvious and really hysterical. Do you have any horrible mistake suggestions? Leave a comment below!

The Year End Review – 2012

So today is the last day of 2012, ARE YOU READY FOR 2013? That’s when you say, HELL NO. Well, there’s lots that went down and lots that shouldn’t have come anyway near us this past year. To sum up as quickly and painless as possible, I’m going to give you EVERYTHING that has happened this past year. Put on your reading glasses and catch yourself up in “LUDICROUS SPEED.” (If you don’t get that reference, you have stumble upon the wrong website and should go find

The Supreme Court fights against Fox TV for “indecency.” I actually forgot this happened. The cross dressing tv show “Work It” got cancelled. I’m suddenly remembering why this show got cancelled. The IFPI claimed that delays to the Digital Economy Act were the reasons for piracy still being high. Yea and it had nothing to do with people being tight asses. DC Comics brings back Watchmen as “Before Watchmen.”  I wonder whatever happened with that. Barnes and Noble Bans Amazon Books.  Yea cause that really hurt Amazon. Vicente Fernandez announced his retirement. Only to retire in 2013. Wii announces the Wii U. Released in the fall. JK Rowling announces new book for adults. I saw when it was released, then it disappeared into the universe. Dr. Seuss turned 108. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!  The Rolling Stones celebrate their 50th anniversary. Damn those guys are OLD.  “The Rock” makes his comeback. This happened as quickly as it ended.  The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inducted Gun’s N’ Roses, Red Hot Chili Peppers, the Beastie Boys, Donovan, Laura Nyro, Small Faces and Faces. Epic Concert. Pepsi and Twitter join forces. Concerts on youtube is genius. The Vatican denounces a sex book written by a nun. This story still makes me laugh. TomKat gets a divorce. All of America was waiting for this. “Meet the Dictionary’s New Words.” And they don’t all start of the letter ‘r.’ Wonder Woman and Superman set to become a couple. Only DC Comics. Bin Laden is killed. And then we tell them how we did it. Real smart folks Randy Newman writes, “I’m dreaming of a white president.”  Still makes me laugh every time I read about it. Who’s apart of the 47%?  ME!!! Matthew Perry returns to NBC with “Go On.”  It’s not just for the crazies. Disney buys Star WARS. Problem or good times? The wicked tale of “Standards and Practices.” Stupid TV politics.  Obama wins presidency. I voted. Channing Tatum is reported “sexiest man alive” by People magazine. Yea yea yea. NBC announces “The Sound of Music” revamp for TV only has Carrie Underwood as lead female role Maria. So not making people happy. People begin to blame the fine arts for the shooting in Newtown, CT. Because they are stupid. 

Legends we lost: Dick Clark, Ann Rutherford, Marvin Hamlisch, Ron Palillo, Michael Clark Duncan, Jenni Rivera, Larry Hagman, Etta James, Don Cornelius, Whitney Houston, Davy Jones, Donald Dunn, Donna Summer, Robin Gibb, Kathryn Joosten, Richard Dawson, Nora Ephron, Andy Griffith, Ernest Borgnine, Neil Armstrong, Andy Williams, Dave Brubeck and so many more.

What did you think of the 2012 year? Was it good to you?

“Life imitates Art”: The Age Old Question

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Oscar Wilde once said, “Life imitates art far more than Art imitates life.” This is one of those moments when I think, was he being sarcastic or sincere? Either way, I COMPLETELY disagree with this statement. The problem is that people don’t realize the fact that it is ART that imitates LIFE. Before there was any type of mass entertainment there were story tellers, painters, artists, that drew their inspiration from every day LIFE (most of which was to preserve their history). That’s right LIFE. Da Vinci’s “Last Supper” wasn’t what made the Last Supper happen. “The Sound of Music,” didn’t influence WWII and make a young nun fall in love with a older military man with 7 children. “Bugs Bunny” wasn’t the cause for duck hunting to be more popular than rabbit hunting. “The Nutcracker” doesn’t get every girl to fall in love with a rat king. My point is simple, art imitates life. Why do you think that there is thousands of movies, tv shows, books, and art works that are based off of true events.

The most recent event that suddenly everyone is starting to blame entertainment for is the elementary school shooting in CT. Now, my heart, my soul, my very being goes out to the victims of this tragedy. However, don’t you go blaming anything or anyone other than the person that pulled the trigger for the cause of this event. Saying that it was because of a video game or a movie is pure ignorance. Has everyone forgotten that people have EVERY control over their decisions and actions. You decide who you’re going to be and how you’re going to get there. No one else does it for you. And for someone to say that it’s because of the art work someone else took from their life experience is completely contradictory. The fault falls on the person committing those actions NOT an artistic point of view. As humans, we need to take responsibility for our actions instead of coming up with something or someone else to blame.

In the mean time, I wish nothing but peace and hope to the town of Newtown, CT. And I hope that as insignificant as this simple article may be, it will open someones eyes to the truth that artists draw from life. Life doesn’t draw from art. If it did, wouldn’t life seem WAY easier? It would in my world.

The Tale of “Jack of the Lantern”

Ever wonder why it is that we crave creepy and scary faces into pumpkins for Halloween? Look no further!! I have the answer for you right here dear students and friends. Now sit around while I tell you the “Legend of Stingy Jack.” According to this Irish myth there was a man nicknamed Stingy Jack who once had a drink with the Devil. He ends up “convincing” the Devil to pay for the drinks by turning himself into money. Once the Devil did so, Jack  decided to kept the money and held it by a silver cross to stop the Devil from returning to is original form. Jack stated that he would release the Devil only if he promised not to bother Jack for one year and that if he should die, he would not claim his soul. Naturally, the Devil was released. The following year, Jack tricked the Devil into climbing a tree to pick fruit. While the Devil was in the tree, Jack carved a sign of the cross into the bark forcing the Devil to promise not to bother Jack for another 10 years. Jack died soon after and was turned away both the Devil and by God. But the Devil gave Jack a piece of burning coal to light his way through the darkness. Jack placed the coal into a carved-out turnip and has been roaming the Earth ever since. The Irish began to refer to him as “Jack of the Lantern,” and then “Jack O’Lantern.” As the story grew people carved Jack O’Lanterns and placed them into windows or near doors to frighten away Stingy Jack and other evil spirits. Carving pumpkins only began once the tradition took place here in America since it was easier to carve.

Once Upon a Halloween…

I realize that I’m a WHOLE two days late but the season is still in the air and I know that EVERYONE wants to know everything possible about their favorite spooky holiday. Every Halloween comes and goes faster than the last and with every year the holiday becomes more and more popular across American college students. Whether its the costumes or the parties, students fallen in love. But how, fellow students, did this holiday come to be.

Apparently the very thought of Halloween is over 2,000 years old. It goes back to the Celts when they used to celebrate the new year on November 1st. It marked the last day of summer and what they called the first day of darkness. The Celts believed that the night before the new year the ghosts of the dead returned to earth to cause trouble and damage crops. This became known as the Festival of Samhain. The Celts also believed that during this time the presence of otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids or Celtic Priests to make predictions about the future. The Druids would build sacred bonfires and the Celts wore costumes.
After the Roman Empire conquered Celtic territory, many of the Roman traditions began to meld with the Celtic ones. The Romans had two festivals at the end of October. One to commemorate the passing of the dead, the other to honor the Roman goddess, Pomona, of fruit and trees. Her symbol is the apple. And so bobbing for apples was born.

By 609 AD Pope Boniface IV dedicated May 13 as all Christian Martyrs Day. It wasn’t until Pope Gregory III that this day became known as All Saints Day and was moved to being celebrated on November 1st. By 1000 AD November 2nd was declared All Souls Day and was celebrated in much the same way as the Celtic Festival of Samhain. All Saints Day was also called All-hallows or All-hallowmas and the night before, the traditional Celtic Festival of Samhain became known as All-hallows Eve.

When Halloween first started in the colonies, it wasn’t very popular outside of Maryland. Their celebrations included “play parties,” public events, sharing stories of the dead, telling each other’s fortunes, and dancing and singing. What we call Halloween now didn’t come into existence until the holiday hit America and spread like wide-fire with the immigrants of the mid 19th century. By the 20’s and 30’s Halloween became the secular holiday we all now know and love. Trick or Treating slowly became more and popular between the 20’s and 50’s. Not only did families use this as a way to build relationships within their community but they also used it as a way to avoid having tricks played on them. It would soon be known as the American tradition added to the old Celtic Festival of Samhain.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

The time: October. The color: Pink. The guest: Fighters & Survivors. Although it’s not my favorite color in the world it has come into my life for the past year in a BIG way. Cancer has impacted more than 1 and 3 people in a life time with that stat growing every year; the top three of the cancers being Non-melanoma, Lung Cancer and Breast Cancer. Breast Cancer has affected 12% of women, killing 115 women world-wide in one day. That’s 1 woman every 15 minutes. While it has affected every average sally, the cause has spread like wide fire over the past decade to bring it to the fore front of the entertainment industry as well. Entertainers affected by breast cancer include: Sheryl Crow, Kylie Minogue, Olivia Newtown-John, Melissa Etheridge, Cynthia Nixon, Edie Falco, Robin Roberts, and Christina Applegate.

So Why Pink? The pink ribbon was first used by the Susan G. Komen Organization in 1991 and was adopted by National Breast Cancer Awareness Month the following year. The ribbon represents fear, hope and goodness of people who support the breast cancer movement. Although the ribbon is commonly known for the cause, it also symbolizes  goodwill towards women in general.

There have been several sources in my research that lead me to people who don’t find BCAM all that… well they think it’s a sad excuse to attempt to coerce people into buying things with a pink ribbon claiming it will help breast cancer victims. Well… I just have one thing to say about this: BCAM isn’t about getting people to buy things, it’s about educating women about something that could affect them regardless of their knowledge of it. “The best protection is early detection.” Educate yourself, talk to your doctors and make sure that you don’t become easily misguided.

Make sure that if you’re interested in bringing an end to breast cancer to donate at Susan G. Koman for the Cure or the American Cancer Society. Separate we may fall but together we are STRONG.

Love Latinos Month!

That’s right, I said it! It’s Love Latinos Month! I’m renaming it. It sounds so much better than Hispanic Heritage Month. Technically the celebration doesn’t really start until this weekend, Sept 15th, but no one pays much attention to specific dates. No lie, the reason why they picked September is because so many Latin countries declared their independence during the month of September. Actually it’s over a week in September but President Reagan changed it to a month-long celebration in 1988. Really just giving Latinos and everyone else an excuse to have fiestas and pachangas for 30 days instead of 7. The countries included in this celebration are Costa Rica, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua, Mexico, and Chile. It may not read like it’s a lot of countries, but I promise it is.

The whole point of this month is for people to recognize contributions of “Hispanic and Latino Americans” to the US as well as celebrating the heritage and culture. This PC excuse to celebrate has really just turned into an excuse for people to eat “Hispanic” food and thank us for the invention of Tequila and Rum. Am I angry about this? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I’m damn proud of my Latin ethnicity and definitely think that a month dedicated to loving us is necessary and awesome. Just remember these important tips: Cinco De Mayo is NOT Mexican Independence day, White Rice and Black Beans are called Cristianos y Moros (Christians and Moors), the worm is full of protein, Plantains are NOT bananas (so don’t try to eat it like one), and NEVER keep a Latino from our food when we’re hungry. It won’t end well.

So during this Hispanic Heritage Month give a Latino some love. We don’t bite unless we’re hungry.