Speedy Friday Returns!

IT’S FRIDAY! Can I get a THANK GOD!? HEY hey… they don’t call it TGIF for nothing. It’s been one hellacious week for the entertainment world and to be quite honest, a lot of it I could really give two rats about. However, most of them do make me laugh a lot. So here we go…

James Earl Jones has returned to CNN as the voice between commercials. His return is thanks to newly posted Jeff Zucker. Zuckers first day was Monday of this week, which also featured Jones’ voice return.

Gwyneth Paltrow told Cameron Diaz she can’t have sex for a year. Well… really it was Paltrow’s trainer but you say ‘tomayto’ I say ‘tomahto.’ According to sources Gwyneth has “…sorted out everything from finances to hooking her up with her trainer. She has also forced her to swear off sex for a year, saying men distract her focus.” MORE POWER TO YOU CAMERON!

ABC wanted Lance Armstrong for this springs season of Dancing with the Stars. According to a spokeswoman for Armstrong, “Lance has been offered the show each and every year since its inception. Although flattered he has passed on their generous offers.” And this year is no different. He has declined once again.

The Coachella line-up has been revealed and I tell you, if I could be there, I would. Headliners including Blur, The Stone Roses, Phoenix, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. To check out the ENTIRE seriously kick ass line-up, check out coachella.com.

ABC has pulled the show Don’t Trust the B in Apt. 23 for the Tuesday night line up. No you have to ask, what does this mean? It means that the show still has 8 episodes left in the season but they won’t air unless ABC wants them to. Translation: it got canceled.

Good news for the Entertainment Industry has hit the stands. According to the 2012 numbers of the Employment Development Department, employment in the industry went up 3.7% from the average employment of 2011. YAY!!!

According to several rumors and now reports, JJ Abrams will be directing the newest installation of the Star Wars Saga Episode 7. Although many people have had their own concerns, there are more people saying that Abrams is more than capable of doing the job.

And finally, earlier this week, there was another shooting in Texas at Lone Star College on the north side of Houston. The shooting left three people wounded and both shooters finally arrested. The shooting apparently took place after a discussion got a little too heated. There is no evidence right now as to whether or not this was a gang related incident.

Don’t forget to check out the Ography Blog for my newest edition of the VERSUS GAMES.

The Last time I watched the Teen Choice Awards…

Due to all the hype about the Teen Choice Awards this weekend, I felt the need to take a look back and compare. The last time I watched the Teen Choice Awards was the first year it ran in 1999 (that’s right, I’m going that far back). There was no host and that was a time when it made sense that someone wasn’t chit chatting in between award presentations. There was only a hand full of awards that us “teens” really cared about and the performances were more than worth the while. So let’s get started shall we. The ’99 winners will be listed before the “vs” and the 2011 winners will be listed after. As it turns out, back then there was just one “best” category for most sub categories so bear with me.

Movie Actor: Freddie Prinze Jr. for “She’s All That” VS. Johnny Depp, Justin Timberlake, Robert Pattinson, Ashton Kutcher and Taylor Launter. Well, this might take a minute. Freddie beats out Johnny because that movie was awful, Justin because Bad Teacher wasn’t his finest acting material, Robert because he’s a wimp and Taylor because he’s not exactly versatile. Out of the whole group I think Ashton really is the only one that would even have a chance up against Freddie.

Movie Actress: Jennifer Love Hewitt for “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer” VS. Angelina Jolie, Cameron Diaz, Natalie Portman, Emma Stone, and Emma Watson. As much as Jennifer managed to avoid death in “I Still Know…” Natalie and Emma Watson are the only two of this group that could really bring her down. Soundtrack of the Year: “City Of Angels” VS No one… YAY! Even so, the group of supposed musician’s they gave awards to couldn’t even keep up with the caliber of music on this album. With maybe three exceptions: Eminem, Lady Antebellum and MAYBE Paramore.

Comedy Movie: “There’s Something About Mary” VS. “Bad Teacher.” Do I REALLY even have to get into this one?Sorry JT, Cameron may have both these movies in her portfolio but there really isn’t anything much like “Mary.”  Drama Movie: “Cruel Intentions” VS. “Black Swan.” Okay, Okay, I’ll shove over. I hate to say it but as “cruel” as Sarah Michelle and Ryan Phillippe get down in this movie, I think Natalie Portman with her literally losing her mind kinda beats them out.

Movie of the Summer: “Big Daddy” VS. “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2.” I’ve seen both these movies and without a doubt in my mind can I say that this one goes to Harry Potter. For my oh so many Adam Sandler fans let me explain why. As much as I LOVE “Big Daddy,” “Harry Potter” was epic. No I didn’t read the books but it was a hard-core movie full of action from beginning to end and yea the story line kinda got old after a while but to see the end result of a series that started over a decade ago was… for lack of a better word, bad ass.

Movie Breakout Performance: James Van Der Beek for “Varsity Blues” VS. Scene Stealer’s Kellan Lutz and Ashley Greene. Okay so a Football player VS. vampires. Who do you think would win? Technically it would be the Vampires, obviously. But… wow.. I can’t make a decision. HELP! Most Disgusting Scene: Cameron Diaz “There’s Something About Mary” Hair gel scene VS. NO ONE! Yay! Funniest Scene: Matt Dillon “There’s Something About Mary” VS. NO ONE! Another one… Hissy Fit: Sandra Bullock “Forces of Nature” VS. Ed Helms “The Hangover Part II” Considering it’s been a LONG time since I’ve seen “Forces of Nature” and I have yet to see the new “Hangover” movie, I’m gonna have to just say, why not just put the two together. They could probably do WAY more damage that way.

Sexiest Love Scene: Freddie Prinze Jr. and Rachael Leigh Cook “She’s All That” VS. Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe “HPTDH Part 1.” Um… seeing as how Emma and Daniel weren’t really feelin’ that kiss and there wasn’t anything about any part of it that was even close to romantic, gotta give this one to Freddie and Rachael. You just can’t beat, “I feel just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. You know, except for the whole hooker thing.”

TV Actor: Joshua Jackson “Dawson’s Creek” VS. Chace Crawford, Ian Somerhalder, Shane West, and Cory Monteith. The only one out of all these TV actors that I would even think to put up against Joshua Jackson is Shane West. Sorry boys, I just can’t tell a lie. Joshua and Shane just have that quality that makes you want to watch. As much as I would LOVE to put Cory in the same category, I just can’t. TV Actress: Sarah Michelle Gellar “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” VS. Blake Lively, Nina Dobrev, Linda Hunt, Selena Gomez. Let’s be real here… can anyone really beat the Vampire Slayer? Buffy just radiates Bad Ass… the others wouldn’t last a minute in the same cage.

TV Drama: “Dawson’s Creek” VS. “Gossip Girl” The ironic thing is that both these shows were started on the same channel. The WB has a really good grasp on what teens are looking for, I’ll give’em that. However, if I had to choose between the two on Netflix, “I Don’t Want to Wait” is a way better theme song to sit through over and over again. TV Comedy: “Friends” VS. “Glee.” HAHAHAHA I’m laughing at this one because there’s just no competition. I mean, I can’t believe that fate just so happened to put these two shows in the same category because, the thought is completely laughable. Oh My Goooooooood, “Friends” wins.

Love Song: Aerosmith “I Don’t Want to Miss A Thing” VS. Selena Gomez “Love You Like A Love Song.” Summer Song: Jennifer Lopez “If You Had My Love” VS. Demi Lovato “Skyscraper.” Music Group: TLC VS. Selena Gomez & The Scene. I put all of these together because, well let’s be real with the children they let have music careers. Aerosmith, TLC and yes even JLo could beat the brains out of Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato with their eyes closed and their hands tied together. So sad, but SO true.

Sports Pro: Stone Cold Steve Austin VS. Shaun White and Female Athlete: Tia Lipinski VS. Shawn Johnson. Seeing as how I have no good judgement over any athletes abilities, I’m gonna have to say… Stone Cold could really kick anyone’s ass and Tia Linpinski, well if I could break her like the tooth pick she is, Shawn Johnson could probably do worse.

And the Grand Total! ’99 makes it a landslide! 15-7. And that’s even with the exceptions so don’t say I cheated. But that’s enough from me. What do you think? Did the Teen Choice of ’99 beat out the Teen Choice of ’11?